How feelings
actually work

Body first, story second

Before any feeling has a name there is affect: how pleasant it is (valence) and how activated you are (arousal). Tight chest plus fast breath is body data. 'He disrespected me' is an interpretation added on top — worth separating from the data.

Try: Pin one moment today using only two numbers: pleasant 1–10, activated 1–10. No word yet.

Body state is part of the picture

Sleep, hunger, caffeine, illness and other body states can shape how intensely a situation feels. Before interpreting a spike, check the body too.

Try: Next spike, ask in order: eaten, slept, moved, hydrated? Then re-rate it.

Feelings change over time

Emotions vary enormously in how long they last. Rumination — the retelling — can prolong or repeatedly reactivate distress, but not every lingering feeling is rumination.

Try: Give the feeling 90 seconds of attention. Notice where it sits in the body, then check what has changed.

Intensity needs context

A strong feeling doesn't automatically tell you why it is strong. The present situation, sleep, stress, body state, previous experience and what the event means to you can all matter. Intensity alone does not tell you which.

Try: For one big reaction, write: what happened, what your body did, what meaning your mind gave it — and whether anything about it feels familiar.